A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game.
After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes,
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes,
but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the beginning of the game,
"What did you not understand?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the beginning of the game,
both
teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first.
Then the rest
of the game everybody was yelling
get the quarter back, get the quarter
back, get the quarter back.
So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a
quarter!"
I am referring to the blonde who turns on the wrong oven burner when cooking dinner and lets an empty pot cook. {Like tonight. Really.} And the story behind the title follows.
My paint mare, Lena, lives at my in-laws' place. They have dogs, one of whom particularly enjoys a stroll off the property so they keep the gate shut. A few weeks ago I went out to take care of Lena and my mom-in-law's two horses. I stopped, pulled the e-brake and stepped out to open the gate.
Do you notice anything missing from that sequence?
How about, "put my car in park"?
That's right, I did not put my car in park before I set the emergency brake. So my car, henceforth referred to as "Stella," started to roll. Panic ensued and I jumped back in to slam on the brakes as Stella hit the gate, snapped the gate latch off and slammed the gate into the fence. Once it was stopped and I quit shaking, I continued the drive up to the house and got to tell my mom-in-law that I had driven through her gate.
Thankfully, my MIL is very easy going and asked about Stella, who suffered some scratches in the grill and front bumper, then she gamely walked down to the gate with my daughter to chain the gate shut. I cleaned stalls to calm my churning stomach, as all the possibilities of what could've/might've happened had I not stopped the car or had been hit by it.
It is not worth delving into those horrible thoughts, so I'll skip that and go straight to "Thank you, God, for protecting me and my daughter." This was my fervent prayer as I scooped poo. And then I thought, "Isn't an emergency brake supposed to stop a vehicle from moving?"
Take it from me, fellow drivers, that is not the case.
When I rehashed this gut-wrenching story to my husband over the phone, he said, "You are a licensed blonde now." And that is why I named this blog "Mommy, Thou Art Blonde."
Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you.
My paint mare, Lena, lives at my in-laws' place. They have dogs, one of whom particularly enjoys a stroll off the property so they keep the gate shut. A few weeks ago I went out to take care of Lena and my mom-in-law's two horses. I stopped, pulled the e-brake and stepped out to open the gate.
Do you notice anything missing from that sequence?
How about, "put my car in park"?
That's right, I did not put my car in park before I set the emergency brake. So my car, henceforth referred to as "Stella," started to roll. Panic ensued and I jumped back in to slam on the brakes as Stella hit the gate, snapped the gate latch off and slammed the gate into the fence. Once it was stopped and I quit shaking, I continued the drive up to the house and got to tell my mom-in-law that I had driven through her gate.
Thankfully, my MIL is very easy going and asked about Stella, who suffered some scratches in the grill and front bumper, then she gamely walked down to the gate with my daughter to chain the gate shut. I cleaned stalls to calm my churning stomach, as all the possibilities of what could've/might've happened had I not stopped the car or had been hit by it.
It is not worth delving into those horrible thoughts, so I'll skip that and go straight to "Thank you, God, for protecting me and my daughter." This was my fervent prayer as I scooped poo. And then I thought, "Isn't an emergency brake supposed to stop a vehicle from moving?"
Take it from me, fellow drivers, that is not the case.
When I rehashed this gut-wrenching story to my husband over the phone, he said, "You are a licensed blonde now." And that is why I named this blog "Mommy, Thou Art Blonde."
Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you.
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